On 22 June 2023, the Centre for Human Rights (CHR) and the Centre for Sexualities, AIDS, and Gender (CSA&G) University of Pretoria, in collaboration with the Center for Gender Studies and Feminist Futures (CGS) and the Center for Conflict Studies (CCS) at the Philipps-University Marburg, hosted the series finale of the Pretoria-Marburg Queer Conversations.
The conversation brought together leading experts and activists to discuss the theme of "Parenthood, parental perceptions, and struggles among LGBTIQ+ individuals” and was led by Dr Madeleine Muller, a Family Physician and Co-founder of the East London Gender and Sexuality Alliance, and Landa Mabenge, a Doctoral scholar, author, and the first transgender man to successfully motivate for medical aid to pay for his gender affirming surgeries in South Africa.
The expert speakers reflected on their academic, personal and political experiences regarding the topic, with Dr Muller starting off the conversation with a reflexion on the challenges she faces as a parent to two queer children. She stated that:
“Probably the only challenge that I am facing as a mom, and that my family is faced with is the issue of prejudice. If we didn’t have prejudice in the world, we wouldn’t have these series, there wouldn’t be any issues within the queer community. There is no magic wand unfortunately for addressing prejudice, but understanding is usually a good start ”
Dr Muller linked her comment to the broader question of ‘providing patient-centred care’, as well as the limitations that prejudice places in providing such care. Her reflections on prejudice included medical framing of fear and prejudice, and clearly demonstrated how society primarily focuses on acting out of survival mode using the sympathetic nervous system; thinking fast, acting fast and jumping to conclusions, which is not sustainable and leads to unfavourable outcomes. Through personal illustrations from her eldest child who is also queer, she unpacked the above and how some individuals will respond to positive social media posts on Pride with long, illogical, controlling and manipulative utterances that aren’t evidence-based, as a way to quell their fears and lack of knowledge on the LGBTIQ+ community.
She strongly emphasised the role of parents in smoothing the way for their children by creating safer environments, paying attention to pronouns, seeking affirming counselling, and not allowing negative external factors to overwhelm them. She encouraged parents of LGBTIQ+ children to seek affirmation and support from growing communities and fora dedicated to providing a nurturing environment for families of LGBTIQ+ children.
Mabenge weighed in on the lived reality and danger of families imposing hostile environments for trans and gender diverse persons, that may lead to self-harm and destructive practices. In a captivating presentation, Landa Mabenge shared his experiences growing up and navigating a cis-heteronormative, theocentric, and colonial world that often clashed with the appreciation of human life beyond sex characteristics and genitals. Mabenge reflected on his early childhood experiences of being parented and how they have influenced his choices regarding parenthood or relationships with partners who are parents. He also emphasised the importance of a clear lexicon for LGBTQI+ individuals and their families to nurture identities safely and progressively, one that is not so far removed from the gender neutral language that is common in many African languages such as isiXhosa. Mabenge’s reflection brought forward the considerations of pronouns in African communities as well as black African spirituality in conversations regarding pronouns and gender diversity. Much of these insights can be found in his book ‘Becoming Him’ which documents the painful journey of living with parents that did not affirm his being, but created a harmful environment compared to the warmer experience with his grandmother. Both speakers emphasised the importance of creating environments where everyone feels seen, heard, and respected. Landa Mabenge reiterated that,
"At the time I didn’t have the language, the only thing I had at my disposal were the people charged with my upbringing, which I felt and in hindsight realised sort of limited me to what is the physical or natal part of me, but the other parts of my humanness, the fact that I was developing socially, spiritually, emotionally were silenced…people should not exist in silence, people should not exist in silos…we should dismantle barriers to unity and understanding”
In her concluding remarks, Dr Muller called for the establishment of Gender and Sexuality Alliances that are open to everyone to create safer spaces on campus and promote occupational health, including the provision of Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis (PrEP) as a tool for realising sexual and reproductive health and rights, as supported by the South African Constitution. As a doctoral scholar, Landa Mabenge echoed the same and passionately expressed the need for gender-affirming practices and services in healthcare and higher education spaces, whilst calling on universities to initiate and support initiatives such as providing gender-neutral facilities and working across disciplines to advance inclusivity and decolonized curricula.
Both speakers highlighted the revolutionary Southern African HIV Clinicians Society Gender-Affirming Healthcare Guideline for South Africa as instrumental in realising affirming practices for Trans and Gender Diverse persons; and implored practitioners to approach these guidelines as a way of facilitating ubuntu and the Batho Pele principles meaning ‘putting the people first’. These principles are promoted by the South African Constitution through the Equality Clause and policies such as the Alteration of Sex Description and sex Status Act, 2003 (Act No. 49 of 2003) which prohibits discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender, and makes provision for transgender people to align their legal status with their lived gender identity. The Pretoria-Marburg Queer Conversations event provided a platform for critical reflection and dialogue on parenthood, parental perceptions, and struggles among LGBTIQ+ individuals. By shedding light on lived experiences and advocating for transformative change, the event aimed to foster inclusivity, respect, and recognition for all individuals. The PMQC team appreciates the support of all the individuals that participated in bringing the conversations to life. The recording of the conversations can be viewed below.
For more information, please contact:
Tel: +27 (0) 12 420 3151
landilani.banda@up.ac.za
Tel: +27 (0) 12 420 3151
ch.vanderlinde@up.ac.za
